Dys-fun-ctional Christmas

Not always is Christmas happy and merry.



Conflicts with the law, broken relationships, loneliness or simply dysfunctional families can put a burden on these holy Holidays.

Good part about it is, that they also inspire songwriters to tell about it. It's basically a reality show wrapped in the soothing sounds of Christmas music. So in this third part of a "Honky Tonk Christmas" let's put the fun back into dysfunctional (my Saloon ornament is hanging) and listen to some tunes, that aren't your standards accompanying "Silent Night," "Oh Tannenbaum" or more secular ditties like "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer," "Frosty The Snowman," "White Christmas," "Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow." "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" or even "Feliz Navidad."



First in my list of a half dozen not so PC-friendly, dysfunctional songs is an over 25-year old classic done by Irish punkers The Pogues together with Kirsty MacColl (who passed away in 2000) called "Fairytale Of New York." Even though the song only reached #2 in the British Charts during it's initial release in 1987, it's this season (2013) most downloaded Christmas song in the UK.  Though the protagonist of the song is in the drunk tank on Christmas Eve to sober up, he sees quite a rosy future with his loved one.









And what you may have realized is that my definition of Honky Tonk music is quite wide and yes it includes Tom Waits. According to Wikipedia - even though the quote can't be traced anymore - he was quoted about "Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minnepolis" as follows:

"I was in Minneapolis - it was 200 degrees below zero - I know - you think I'm bullshitting, no, I swear to God, I was wearing just a bra and a slip and a kind of dead squirrel around my neck - he was colder than I was. The police cars would go by and they'd wave... Merry Xmas, Merry Xmas, Merry Xmas - anyway - I got caught in the middle of a pimp war between 2 kids in Chinchilla coats, they couldn't have been more than 13 years old - they're throwing knives and forks and spoons out into the street - it was deep - so I grabbed a ladle - and Dinah Washington was singing "Our Day Will Come" and I knew that was it."

I can't say it much better, besides mentioning, that we are all looking for Valentine's day coming up.












I knew that John Prine had a song called "Christmas In Prison" of his 1994 Holiday album "A John Prine Christmas" but after re-listening to the whole album, I decided to use a the only (at least that I know of) song that cynically compares a broken up relationship with a decaying Christmas tree and how bittersweet it is to wish the former lover
"All The Best." Definitely a Christmas song, no department store would use as elevator music.



Alcohol also can be (is) a specific Christmas problem and leads to a crossroad of possibilities:

- a) drinking out of joy and celebrating (for some reason the most kids in the US are born roughly nine months after the Holidays - http://www.labnol.org/internet/most-popular-birthday-months/21283/ - longer, darker nights may be playing a role too)

- b) others may indulge due to dysfunctional relationships, insane family ties and trying to cope with that in a buzzed or even drunk state of mind

- c) and finally all the people who are alone and don't have anybody to celebrate the festivities with



In 1973, John Denver released "Please Daddy Don't Get Drunk This Christmas," a song written by husband and then-wife team, Bill Danoff and Mary "Taffy" Nivert. The couple was quite successful and had other hits with "Take Me Home, Country Roads" (Denver), "Boulder To Birmingham" (Emmylou Harris) and their self-recorded, as the Starland Vocal Band, #1 hit "Afternoon Delight."

Twenty years later, Alan Jackson spiffed that little ditty about wishful soberness a bit up, put a shuffle beat to it, uped the giddy and the steel guitar replacing the dobro made it more jukebox friendly.



Alan Jackson - Please Daddy Don't Get Drunk On Christmas




John Rich, Jimmy Fallon - Drunk On Christmas





Boxcar Willie - Hee Haw Honey




How can I pass up lyrics like "I need some Christmas spirit, and by spirit I mean booze; I'm getting drunk, drunk, drunk on Christmas." This song was written by Late Night TV host Jimmy Fallon and a writer of the show, Gerard Bradford and premiered three years ago, with special guest John Rich (Big & Rich) sitting in with Fallon and back-up band, The Roots.

"Hee Haw" Host Roy Clark With Some Of The Honeys

Lecil Travis Martin aka Boxcar Willie, even though only remotely popular in the United States was a superstar overseas and is believed to have sold more than 100 million albums. His carnal wish was infused by the beautiful Southern ladies in the TV show "Hee Haw" and Hugh Hefner's playboy bunnies - and yes that simply is all he wanted under his Christmas tree.



One of my all-time favorite

dysfunctional Christmas songs is "Merry Christmas From The  Family" penned by Texan Robert Earl Keen. With a sharp wit, he describes the Christmas needs and family relationships as it would be part of a reality show. The parents are getting drunk, the sister shows up with a new Mexican boyfriend, who woos everybody with "Feliz Navidad," brother Ken who arrives with wife #3 brings his five kids out of two earlier relationships. And it's Turkey, football and more booze - trips to the convenient store to restock with cigarettes, diapers, tampons and whatever you need in the 24/7 world that America is.



And with this - I can only wish everybody of you - Merry Christmas Y'All



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This blog was orginally published here.

Neon Lights, BS & Other Ramblings

When I heard that Bull Shiter aka Blake Shelton had a new single out, "Neon Light" from his upcoming album "Bringing Back The Sunshine," I was intrigued. Starting out the song with a light Hip Hop beat didn't really draw me into the song, but the lyrics (written by Andrew Dorff, Mark Irwin and Josh Kear - a trio who had written hit-songs for other artists before) had a lovely retro feel - something I haven't heard quite in a while coming out of Trashville. The lyrics actually do tell a story and in the second verse actually get quite mean - even though the two last lines with the three word repetitive are contemporary stupid as the mentioned opening beat is required in 2014:



“I take a shot of I don’t care what you’re doing now

Chase that one with a cold screw you

When that’s done I just might wash it down with a big pitcher of someone new

That blonde, blonde, blonde at the bar, bar, bar

See if she wants to try an unbreak my heart, heart, heart”



The banjo, the slight guitar work, Shelton's vocal range during the choruses also speak for this single. The production by Scott Hendricks unfortunately does not. Even though there is cool, bluesy overtone to it, it's completely over-produced and over-compressed with several unnecessary layers, which lower the song almost past mediocracy.



But then once again, Blake simply couldn't shut up and the BS started flowing when he told Rolling Stone Country that "The song, the melody, the chorus is so George Jones or George Strait. It really is."

Nope, it's not, even though he also claimed to know the history of country music: "Of course, I’m always going to have the haters and critics out there that say it's not. But then, kiss my ass! I know more about those records than a lot of people."



Maybe he does to a certain degree, but then he would have had a good chance on being the leader to move some of the music back to it's more traditional roots. A song like this, with a late 80's early 90s feel to it would have sounded wonderfully. And producer Scott Hendricks should have known better. As the producer (with Keith Stegall) he not only engenieered Alan Jackson's debut album "Here In The Real World" which contained the lovely Honky Tonk anthem "Chasin' That Neon Rainbow" but also another ode to the legendary bar signs, in Brooks & Dunn's "Neon Moon" from their album "Brand New Man."



Even the James Stroud produced, two year old "Neon" by Chris Young, written by Texan master-songwriter Shane McAnally with Josh Osborne and Trevor Rosen which reached #23 on the Billboard Hot Country Songs sounds with it's leading steel guitar and fiddle more country as Blake's last outing. And if you want it really traditional just listen to Austin favorite Wayne "The Train" Hancock and his little ditty "Thunderstorms & Neon Lights" with the late great twangmaster Paul Skelton on guitar.



Blake Shelton - "Neon Lights"





Alan Jackson - "Chasin' That Neon Rainbow"





"Neon Monn" Brooks & Dunn





Chris Young - "Neon"





Wayne "The Train" Hancock - "Thunderstorms & Neon Signs"

Neon Lights, BS & Other Ramblings

When I heard that Bull Shiter aka Blake Shelton had a new single out, "Neon Light" from his upcoming album "Bringing Back The Sunshine," I was intrigued. Starting out the song with a light Hip Hop beat didn't really draw me into the song, but the lyrics (written by Andrew Dorff, Mark Irwin and Josh Kerr - a trio who had written hit-songs for other artists before) had a lovely retro feel - something I haven't heard quite in a while coming out of Trashville. The lyrics actually do tell a story and in the second verse actually get quite mean - even though the two last lines with the three word repetitive are contemporary stupid as the mentioned opening beat is required in 2014:

“I take a shot of I don’t care what you’re doing now
Chase that one with a cold screw you
When that’s done I just might wash it down with a big pitcher of someone new
That blonde, blonde, blonde at the bar, bar, bar
See if she wants to try an unbreak my heart, heart, heart”

The banjo, the slight guitar work, Shelton's vocal range during the choruses also speak for this single. The production by Scott Hendricks unfortunately does not. Even though there is cool, bluesy overtone to it, it's completely over-produced and over-compressed with several unnecessary layers, which lower the song almost past mediocracy.

But then once again, Blake simply couldn't shut up and the BS started flowing when he told Rolling Stone Country that "The song, the melody, the chorus is so George Jones or George Strait. It really is."
Nope, it's not, even though he also claimed to know the history of country music: "Of course, I’m always going to have the haters and critics out there that say it's not. But then, kiss my ass! I know more about those records than a lot of people."

Maybe he does to a certain degree, but then he would have had a good chance on being the leader to move some of the music back to it's more traditional roots. A song like this, with a late 80's early 90s feel to it would have sounded wonderfully. And producer Scott Hendricks should have known better. As the producer (with Keith Stegall) he not only engenieered Alan Jackson's debut album "Here In The Real World" which contained the lovely Honky Tonk anthem "Chasin' That Neon Rainbow" but also another ode to the legendary bar signs, in Brooks & Dunn's "Neon Moon" from their album "Brand New Man."

Even the James Stroud produced, two year old "Neon" by Chris Young, written by Texan master-songwriter Shane McAnally with Josh Osborne and Trevor Rosen which reached #23 on the Billboard Hot Country Songs sounds with it's leading steel guitar and fiddle more country as Blake's last outing. And if you want it really traditional just listen to Austin favorite Wayne "The Train" Hancock and his little ditty "Thunderstorms & Neon Lights" with the late great twangmaster Paul Skelton on guitar.

Blake Shelton - "Neon Lights"


Alan Jackson - "Chasin' That Neon Rainbow"


"Neon Monn" Brooks & Dunn


Chris Young - "Neon"


Wayne "The Train" Hancock - "Thunderstorms & Neon Signs"